9 Long Distance Relationship Tips for Staying Intimate and Connected

M asks:

Any [date] suggestions for long distance couples? My hubby will be away for a few months and I don’t want our relationship to suffer. Thanks!


As someone who was in a long distance relationship for almost a decade, I hear you! The good news? Your relationship doesn’t have to suffer. Will it be a challenge? Yes. Different? Yes. Have you navigated other obstacles together? Also, yes. This is your latest.

Staying intimate and connected in a long distance relationship requires a bit of creativity, amazing communication, especially around your needs, and openness to new ways of being partners. To get you started, here are nine long distance relationship tips for staying intimate and connected in a long distance relationship. Depending on the logistics of your setup (e.g. time zone differences, military obligations, etc), choose the ones that will work best for your relationship.

Plan out your communication

Especially if you are in different time zones! First, decide how regularly you want to stay in touch and by what modalities (e.g. video, text, phone). Then choose a regular time to have longer talks. For example, when the beau travels for extended work trips, we find a time every day to talk on the phone and also message throughout the day.

What about when one of your schedules is wonky? Talk about it as soon as you know and work together to find an alternative time.

Embrace the virtual date…

Whether that’s, eating a meal, coloring, cooking—whatever! Jump on your favorite video platform (I’m still partial to Skype as it was the only option when the beau and I were in college), and do the thing…together.

…and the long-distance date

Go out and do the same thing, then report back. Some ideas? See a movie, play, or similar that you both can access. Go get a delicious dessert. Pick a book to read.

Do the activity by yourself, and then debrief after, just like you would when you’re together!

Don’t knock video or phone sex

Is it the same as in-person sex? Of course not. Can it still be hot AF? Absolutely. Try out different methods and techniques to find what works best for you. For example, maybe play with power, where one of you watches and directs the other or one person puts on a show but the other can only watch.

Try out long distance toys

App-enabled sex toys let you and your beau play together, with one person controlling the other’s toy or sharing control of each other’s pleasure at the same time. My favorites come from We-Vibe, whose We-Connect app works with 10 different toys (for penises and vulvas alike).

And don’t forget to sext, regularly

It can be as steamy or innocent as you’re comfortable with, with photos or just text. Grab my guide for sexting here.

Practice eye gazing

Set a timer for four minutes and stare into each other’s virtual eyes via video chat. You don’t have to be together IRL to get the boost of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

Be present when you connect, whether that’s virtually or IRL

Put away your other devices, open a new browser, and fully show up. Seeing each other IRL? Clear your damn schedule and prioritize your time together.

Share all the things, big and small

Don’t pressure yourself to only talk when you have a long time, but also share the small moments, a la “I saw this thing and it made me think of you.” Quick check-ins and shares—whether on your long call or via a quick text—are equally important for staying intimate and connected.

Long distance relationships come with their own unique challenges

With a bit of creativity and a whole lot of communication, yours can be as intimate, exciting, and fulfilling as when you are together.

Featured image by Tony Lam Hoang

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