//google typekit fonts snippet Delivering Death: Second Trimester Miscarriage

Delivering Death: Second Trimester Miscarriage

On September 17, 2015, at 10:40am, my world came crashing down with four simple words, “your baby is dead.”

It was a routine prenatal visit. I had already heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks. And yet, here I was, at 16 and a half weeks feeling numb and confused.

When you’re pregnant, you focus on two main goals: making it safely through your first trimester and making it safely through delivery. Everything in between is just details.

In the first trimester, we are repeatedly told what to look for and when to call your doctor. We’re monitored closely. We read articles online and know statics are high for early pregnancy loss. We know that 10-25 percent of pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. And if you’re between the ages of 35 and 45, that increases to 20-35 percent.

Once you’re into your second term, though, you don’t hear about miscarriages anymore. All we read about is how magical the second term is. This is when you get to start enjoying your baby bump. This is when your nausea is likely to disappear and replaced with energy. We’re even assured our unexpected sex drive is normal and to enjoy it.

In short, we are told we’re in the clear.

I thought I was too, but my story is different. I had a late miscarriage. 

Late miscarriage

Late miscarriages happen between weeks 13-19. Only 2–3 percent of miscarriages happen in the second trimester. So it’s easy to understand why we don’t often hear about them.

After learning that our baby died, the next 20 hours were a blur. I called my husband to tell him the news over the phone. I sat in the patient room numb. I felt empty, sick.

Since I was 16 and a half weeks and possibly wanted to become pregnant again, I was told it would be better to deliver versus having a D&C. Delivery would take between 12 and 24 hours.

Leaving the building, I felt like a walking coffin. That night, I kept looking at my pregnant belly in our bedroom mirror. Crying so hard I was hyperventilating. Ashamed I never took more belly pictures before this moment and horrified that I somehow caused this. Did I push myself too hard? Was it the bouncy house at my son’s 4th birthday party that killed my baby? Did the sex we had earlier this week do it?

One thing I quickly learned about late miscarriage is that nobody has answers and even fewer know what to say. You hear stupid comments. From everyone. Everywhere. Even from professionals.

A second term loss that requires delivery happens on the Labor and Delivery floor. The same floor housing all the happy new parents, excited grandparents, and adorable, crying, alive babies. Life is vibrant there.

When I walked in, I felt like the angel of death.

Not a “normal” birth

I was greeted with a cordial smile and condolences by a nurse. Immediately, I was assured, “Don’t worry, it’s not like a normal birth.” She was right. It was much worse.

With a late miscarriage delivery, being induced is not as simple as getting an IV of Pitocin because your body can’t register Pitocin that early in the pregnancy. So while yes, I was induced, the way it happened was excruciatingly different.

Every four hours, a pill was inserted into my cervix. If you’ve ever delivered before, think of the moment you finally start pushing. Now, imagine someone inserting their hand all the way up inside of you. That’s what it felt like every four hours.

I didn’t have any pain medication. I figured if I wasn’t going to have a “vaginal birth,” then I’d like to feel as much as possible. My first induction started that Friday at 8am. The 12–24 hour delivery time frame turned into three full days. My doctors had never experienced a situation like mine. They might deliver a late miscarriage once a year.

By Saturday night, I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I had already had 10 inductions and sometimes, if I was “lucky” the doctor would be extra “rough” with insertion to try and move delivery along. It got to the point where anytime the door would open I’d start crying in pain before anyone even touched me. Around midnight I finally got an epidural.

Tough conversations

Being in delivery for three days gave us a lot of time in between to talk. Process. Fall apart. Be. How do you pass the time?

My husband and I first began talking about names. It was something happy to discuss that made us feel like regular parents. But that quickly spiraled into a dark hole of sadness. How do you name someone you only met after they died? How do you capture their true essence and spirit? What even was their essence and spirit? We never found out the sex ahead of time which only complicated things for us now. (Once we learned baby was a boy we named him Daley.)

So we moved onto the next subject: what should we do with our baby’s remains? We thought tackling this subject head on was smart parenting. If emotions get the best of you, it’s good to be logical. Right? I vividly remember rationalizing the idea of having our baby’s body added to the hospital’s mass grave with other babies because it was nice to think about the babies all being together, playing, giggling.

We ultimately decided to have his body cremated and bought a beautiful urn that’s in our home. (Funeral homes will do this service for free. What a blessing!)

After being in the hospital for three days—with no end in sight and the same nurses on call—we developed a routine. We became used to the schedule. Shift changes. Meeting the doctor of the day. We even started to love hearing the cries of newborn babies. It was as if we were there for the same happy reason.

I started to feel safe. Secure. Sheltered.

Delivering death

Exactly when those feelings sank into my core is when death knocked and was delivered: Monday, September 21, 2015, at 8:12am.

My doctor came to check on me and after her exam, she said: “it’s over.” She asked if I wanted to see the baby. I said no. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle what I’d see. Would the baby look like an alien? Would parts be missing? It terrified me.

So the nurse took our baby away. She took some pictures and came back to tell us baby really looked good but it would be better to see him sooner rather than later because his coloring would continue to change.

Meeting our baby was the best decision we ever made. Turns out our tiny little angel, while purple, was beautiful. I can still see his gaze as I looked at him. It was as if he looked straight into my soul to tell me he was OK. For a moment, to me, he was alive. And he gave me that adorable first look that all mothers know.

We were so immersed in the moment. Hanging onto the seconds as if they were years. Since I had the honor of holding our baby for 17 weeks, my husband held him the whole time while we were together. We said a prayer with him. We told him how loved he was. We told him about his big brother. We cried with him. We hugged him. And that was it.

Our nurse put together a lovely Memory Box and six hours later we were leaving the hospital. It felt surreal after living there for the better part of a week. I went there pregnant and I left empty. Our baby was being shipped to a funeral home to be cremated. In the meantime, we had tests run to see if we could determine what caused the miscarriage. We also wanted to confirm the sex.

Beginning to heal

Healing through this experience has been a curvy road. I wish we could have just told our family, let others find out by word of mouth and move on. But that’s just not how grief or late miscarriages work.

Physically, I was healing from a delivery which meant I was wearing maxi pads. Changing the blood soaked pads every day was a constant reminder of losing our son. Plus, I had to wear tight sports bras for a month to stop my milk supply from coming in. To top it off, my stomach was becoming flatter instead of fatter. This messed with me so much that I remember eating constantly just to make myself fat so I could still look pregnant.

Food may have played a negative role as a coping strategy but it was also where I started to really heal. I didn’t have the strength to cook, and yet, we had a healthy 4-year-old to feed. Thankfully, a friend set up a meal train. For weeks, we were brought meals by some women I didn’t even know. And it was in their meals, their cards, their miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death stories that I started to feel loved enough to heal. Maybe I would eventually be OK.

Wise women and a new tribe

This was never a community of women I thought I’d be a part of after my first magical pregnancy. But it’s one of the most beautiful tribes I’ve ever known.

Emotionally, I had no idea how I was going to grieve. I withdrew. I avoided certain gatherings (especially baby showers) and we even told people not to send us cards. I didn’t want constant reminders popping up in the mail.

But there’s always a rebel amongst us, a wise female soul who knows what is needed. One day, a little blue box showed up in the mail with a beautiful angel necklace. It was this necklace that got me through the entire first year. When I wore it, it felt like Daley was physically still with me. I needed it more than I knew.

There are other things I experienced on my healing journey that got me to where I am today. But it’s the women in my life that were strong enough to simply be present with me and share their stories that brought me back to life.

Featured image by Cheril Sanchez
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43 Responses to “Delivering Death: Second Trimester Miscarriage”

Amanda

September 11, 2018 9:09 am

Touching story. I, too have had second trimester miscarriage. Both very unexpected and happened quickly at 14 weeks. I can resonate with so much of what you wrote here. Thanks for sharing your journey, it helps me feel like I’m not alone, even though the doctors even say they’d never seen what happened to me happen before, let alone twice.

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Natalie

November 09, 2018 6:49 am

Thank you for sharing your experience as tough as it may have been to share. Last night I arrived in the hospital from bleeding, to be told that what should be a 16 week baby was without a heart beat and was possible decomposing. I am torn. I hope to find healing and peace like you have.

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Wanjiru Kamau

January 03, 2019 9:30 pm

I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks on the 3rd June 2018. We went for a out of town visit, to San Antonio, I miscarried at the motel. Went to the ER, was induced over 8 hours to deliver the placenta, and finally the doctor had to do D&C. It was our first baby, a baby boy. I feel like its my fault for moving to Texas and working too much. I can’t stop crying. I live one day at a time. I pray everyday for women like us. Its

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Margaret williams

January 03, 2019 9:31 pm

Thank You for Sharing. I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks on the 3rd June 2018. We went for a out of town visit, to San Antonio, I miscarried at the motel. Went to the ER, was induced over 8 hours to deliver the placenta, and finally the doctor had to do D&C. It was our first baby, a baby boy. I feel like its my fault for moving to Texas and working too much. I can’t stop crying. I live one day at a time. I pray everyday for women like us. Its

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Sara

May 01, 2019 3:18 pm

Like so many women, I’m here because I too just had a second trimester miscarriage. I chose to have a D&E under general anesthesia and came home from the hospital today. Right now I’m feeling at peace that D&E was the best decision for me to heal, but after reading this, I hope I don’t regret never seeing my baby. He went to the hospital’s baby cemetery. (I have to say I’m glad I didn’t need to ensure days of laminaria, ouch!)
I’m finding support in such unlikely places, like customer service giving refunds for everything I bought without needing to ship things back. The security guard of my building opening up that she too lost a second trimester baby when she saw me crying. It’s a club I never thought I’d be in, but I’m so glad for the outpouring of love.

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Shawna

May 04, 2019 3:33 am

I went to the dr yesterday and found out my 17 week old baby girl didn’t have a heart beat . I had a feeling a few days ago she was gone I haven’t had cramps or blood but part of me felt empty … I have arranged to be induced Sunday May 5th so I can hold my baby girl . I wanted to just get this process started yesterday but I am also a high risk momma with a heart condition so they had to make special accommodations at a hospital to monitor me during the process . The prolonged waiting just makes it feel like your still waiting for death even though I already know she is gone . This was our first child we tried for 9 months to get pregnant and in the process found out I only have one functional folopian tube . At 12 weeks pregnant they told me there was an issue that I didn’t have much amniotic fluid the dr told me I was miscarring but each week I went back and she was fighting with her heart beat and growing bigger and stronger . All the doctors I had on my team were surprised and had a talk last week thinking this might actually work this baby is fighting. My normal ob called me yesterday when she found out not as a doctor but as a friend that’s been on this journey with me and she cried with me she told me she thinks I’m the strongest woman she has met because knowing everything they kept telling me I kept pushing for hope and positivity to continue. A total of 5 drs called me yesterday to set things up and see how I was doing and comfort me even giving me their personal cell numbers to call or text if I need anything. The grief comes in waves of tears randomly and I see my self trying to be stronger for my partner who I think is taking it harder than I am. I am terrified what the next couple days have in store
For me but we plan to have our baby girl cremated and have her ashes turned into rings
For us to always remember our first baby girl

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Melissa

May 22, 2019 8:59 pm

When I stumbled across this blog post, little did I know it would help me in more ways than I ever could have imagined. In January, we lost a baby boy at 17 weeks. I have felt alone every single day since then. When I found your story, I finally felt like someone understood. Every single piece of this story hits home. I’m so sorry you had to experience this because I know exactly how tough this was, but I am also so greatful you shared your story. Thank you!

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bloodmilk

May 23, 2019 11:02 am

We’re so sorry for your loss, Melissa, and glad this article helped you feel less alone. ❤️

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Courtney McCauley

May 31, 2019 11:46 pm

I sit here at the hospital, trying to find a way to process this pregnancy loss. We are 15.4 but as the night carries on 15.5. Our boy had no heartbeat yesterday during his sono. We saw him just 11 days before to diagnose a placenta Previa. And there he was just waving in the ultrasound pictures. I found so much comfort in reading this because for my friend support, their losses were so much earlier in the pregnancy. They did not have to physically deliver. The medication has started the cramping and we will meet him soon to say our goodbyes. Thank you for sharing your experience, because it has helped this momma in raw need.

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bloodmilk

June 03, 2019 11:49 am

So sorry for your loss, Courtney. Sending you hugs.

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Mercedes Castillo

June 11, 2019 3:03 pm

I really needed this. Today we delivered our sweet boy at 18 weeks. Yesterday he was perfectly healthy, strong heart beat and moving around. I woke up to contractions in the night and my water broke. It was terrifying. I delivered him on my own 30 minutes after getting to the hospital. We held him for a long time and every emotion possible has been going through my head. I keep reminding myself that it’s not my fault but I can’t help to question every choice I made during my pregnancy. Your article helps me. I know this is so fresh for me but I do believe I will be okay.

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bloodmilk

June 13, 2019 11:57 am

We’re so sorry for your loss, Mercedes <3. Sending you hugs.

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Motun

August 06, 2019 5:22 pm

I just lost my baby two weeks ago.at 23weeks.due to incompetent cervix.still in shock and pain.i just hope to recover soon nd have another baby.????????

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Kimi

August 25, 2019 6:54 am

This post provided a lot of comfort. I am sorry that any of us has experienced this Only a select few can understand this pain as second trimester losses occur in 2-3% of all pregnancies. I delivered my baby girl at 19 weeks on August 1st. It was the hardest day of my life. My waterbroke and I was rushed to the hospital, it was noted that I was dilated and had little to no amniotic fluid, which meant my pregnancy wasn’t viable. I cried and cried. My family cried. I could not process what happened to me. I still cry. I cry for the memories I will never be able to make or have with my daughter. I named her Kennedy.

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Kaycee Miller

August 30, 2019 3:08 pm

Thank you for your courage. I found out August 2 that my 18 week old baby boy didn’t have a heartbeat and grow stopped around 14.5/15 weeks. We won’t get an answer as to when he passed. My follow up appointment isn’t until Sept 20th. We are devastated, but it does bring comfort to know we aren’t alone. Praying for you ladies.

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Kate Fitzpatrick

January 19, 2020 7:23 pm

First, I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. Second…thank you for sharing your story. I feel like it was written about me! We just lost our baby at 18 weeks, though dr said he was measuring at 15 weeks. I had been using a doppler at home and had found the heartbeat up until a day or two before they said there was no heartbeat. I went to the hospital last Saturday and did not deliver until Tuesday morning. It felt twisted to have gotten to a point where I actually WANTED the delivery to happen. But, I couldn’t imagine being at the hospital, in the labor and delivery unit, where beautiful things are supposed to happen, for another day. I am taking it day by day and hoping we can try again soon.

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Ivonne

January 26, 2020 6:55 am

Thank you for this article. Every single sentence made me cry. Every emotion you described is what I am now going through. Second semester miscarriages are awful and not likely but I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks just two days ago. I’m numb. Not enough amniotic fluid is what the doctors said. In a matter of 4 short hours, I was completely dilated and ready to give birth to a baby boy with a strong heartbeat. Two days prior I had a normal sonogram and pre-natal visit so naturally you begin to question EVERY SINGLE thing you did since then and wonder if you made this happen. So heartbreaking.
Signed
-A lost mom.

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Yvonne

February 01, 2020 9:36 am

We have lost our beautiful baby bay at 17weeks 6days pregnant in 24/01/20 we had been trying for 5 years and I’m 42 nearly followed every rule the pain is unbearable and my bereavement midwife is awol. This article helps a little to ease some pain having to give birth and bury my son has destroyed us.

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Kedisha

February 05, 2020 6:46 pm

Thank you for this article. We lost our precious baby girl (who we named Angel) on 31/01/2020. My water unexpectedly broke a few days prior to the actual delivery, and it was the most devastating time of our lives. We had been trying for two years before finally having an IUI and successfully becoming pregnant. The day we were told we were finally going to be parents was the most exciting day of our lives, and the day we had to say goodbye to our sweet Angel was the hardest day of our lives. I’m so happy I stumbled on this article, I feel so less alone. – Angel’s mommy

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Kedisha

February 05, 2020 6:47 pm

Thank you for this article. We lost our precious baby girl (who we named Angel) on 31/01/2020, I was 18 weeks. My water unexpectedly broke a few days prior to the actual delivery, and it was the most devastating time of our lives. We had been trying for two years before finally having an IUI and successfully becoming pregnant. The day we were told we were finally going to be parents was the most exciting day of our lives, and the day we had to say goodbye to our sweet Angel was the hardest day of our lives. I’m so happy I stumbled on this article, I feel so less alone. – Angel’s mommy

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bloodmilk

February 06, 2020 10:16 am

Sending you the biggest hug and love and peace, Kedisha. ❤️❤️❤️

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Lisa Stevens

February 18, 2020 7:41 am

Thank you enormously for sharing your story… reading this and the other comments has helped me significantly today.
The past month or so has been pretty horrendous as we learned our Little Bean had full Edwards. The doctors were telling us that if I didn’t miscarry naturally before full term that our precious one wouldn’t survive once born. We made the painful decision to go through a medically induced miscarriage at 15.3 weeks.
Our little boy was born sleeping on 1st Feb 2020. After we had time with him to read a story and tell him how much we loved him. He looked so angelic and peaceful. I have pictures to remember him by and a lovely memory box. I can’t thank the midwives and charities enough who help you through such dark days.
Today we said goodbye to our Little Bean at a baby memorial service that the Hospital arrange. Feeling somewhat lost again I searched for comfort online and here it is!
For those beautiful mummies and daddies who are about to write similar stories please remember you aren’t alone and you are doing the best for your cherished little one. Be kind to yourself! xxx

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Danielle

February 20, 2020 7:33 am

I just had my second second trimester loss. My first was at 16 weeks, he measured 15.4. I had high blood pressure during the pregnancy and one day something felt off. I insisted on a ultrasound to check on baby. This was to be my 5th child and I knew something was off. There was no heartbeat. It was devastating. I choose to do a D&E. They discovered he died on a Friday and carrying him all weekend was so tragic for me. He was born 9/9/2019. After my first period I got pregnant again and we were cautiously optimistic that all would be well, but at every visit I was worried there would be no heartbeat. At every wipe, I worried that I would find blood. 15 weeks came and went and I finally was starting to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Then at 17 weeks I went to wipe and a large clot came out. We headed to the er and they found no heartbeat. Again. This time I choose to deliver so I could say goodbye, and hold him. It took over 36 hours. He was born 2/7/2020. I’m glad I did it. They laid him in a tiny casket and we brought him home to bury under a peach tree. I’m broken and sad. He had the cord around his neck and body 4 times. I’m not sure if that is what happened or something else, but all the tests we did came back normal. That’s the worst part for me, that no one can tell you why it happened. I’m sorry to everyone for your losses.

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Mya

February 20, 2020 3:15 pm

So sorry for ur loss. I lost one at 10 wks. Found out today our 15.5 wk baby has passed. I’m shocked. They are advising a D and E. I asked how long I can wait to see if it will pass but they are concerned. Any advise? What should I do? He said I could take the inducing medicine and wait 3 days but after that we should go to plan b. ??? I do want to note we have 2 beautiful girls that I’m extremely thankful for.

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Ella

February 20, 2020 8:16 pm

So helpful to read all these stories. I just learned today my little boy had no heartbeat I would have been 21 1/2 weeks it looks like it happened a little less than 2 weeks ago soon after my last appointment he was probably a little over 19 1/2 weeks. I had only felt him move a handful of times and the last time was the day of last exam when he was healthy moving and good heartbeat. I scheduled an appointment since I am no stranger to missed miscarriages and could not handle the worrying. I thought I felt him move yesterday morning and was at ease going today expecting we’d find a healthy baby . The doctor thought it would be quick and we’d see a heartbeat and be done. As I laid down she felt my belly and said it feels like it is the right size and position then as we looked on the ultrasound I noticed right away there was no heartbeat she looked for a while and said she was sorry. We were both in shock. I am blessed I had my 5 yr old daughter with me . She did not get upset just said the positives ….”he is safer now because he is up in heaven with God…at least we will get to bring him home and bury him with the others and they will have friends..we have a picture of him (ultrasound).” I delivered 3 children with no problems , 4th one I had an abrution on uterine wall and went into labor at 35 weeks 9 days in NICU and home with healthy little boy. Year later missed miscarriage at 15 wks was told at 16 week check up..no signs or symptoms. 5 months later same thing at 13 weeks saw at 15 wks when I scheduled appointment because I saw the tiniest speck of blood when wiped that I would have never noticed if hadn’t experienced a miscarriage before. I had D&C’s with both and was able to bring remains( they were both decomposed badly that’s why we had that procedure) home and bury on our farm. I am grateful I made that choice when we take walks or drives we pass by them in the back by the woods and my children always say newborn babies we love you! thinking I would never even try for another because I couldn’t handle heartbreak I unexpectedly became pregnant and delivered a healthy little boy in September of 2018. I thought those two miscarriages may have been a fluke and we tried for one more I have always had six children set in my mind and as you probably all know it’s very hard to get those things out of your mind. After what I’ve went through now I know and I’ve already told the children before we knew we lost it that if this one’s not okay through the pregnancy we will not try again and accept that we have five healthy children and we should be grateful I sometimes feel selfish having five children knowing some people can’t have one and I am upset that I couldn’t have six. My oldest is 8 a girl, then I have a 6-year-old boy, a 5-year-old girl, my other son will be 4 in a month and my youngest son is almost 18 months. I will be 36-years-old next month . I always read all these stories and they help so much thank you all for writing in this is the first time I’ve ever wrote in and shared my story but it makes me feel a lot better sharing with you guys hopefully my story can help some of you to have hope to go on and have healthy pregnancies and to help in the grief of losing pregnancies. I will go in next week to have a D&C done on this one also I will have to go into the downtown location because they won’t do this late at my local hospital where I got the others done. Sending my prayers to everyone. For the record I do think these things happen for a reason we will never know and it does not make sense to anybody but it is what was meant to be. I take peace of knowing that my mother who passed away of cancer when I was only 16 is up there holding my three babies!

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Mistie Shattuck

March 02, 2020 6:42 am

Thanks for your article and everyone’s comments. Last Wednesday on February 26, 2020, I went to the dr and found our baby boy of 17 weeks had passed(growth stopped at 14weeks 2 days) I had no indications that he had passed and had genetic testing done a few weeks ago everything looked perfect, his heart rate and everything was always so healthy. This has been so painful and I’m glad I found this article it has brought me some peace cause all of you understand. This was my 5th miscarriage, I do have 5 beautiful children I’m super grateful for (one is adopted). With this one it was my 3rd round of IVF, so it just makes it that much harder for me. I do have 1 embryo left to try again, I need a few months or longer to try again I’m super scared. I’ve had out of the 5 miscarriages 2 later term miscarriages and the rest were earlier on. I just turned 39 on Tuesday and I’m nervous about my age with trying over and over to have a child. I do feel I need to try again though. I get people saying”are you going to try again”? “Are you sure you want to do that”? I know people mean well. I have to do what’s best for me and my family. Sometimes things that happen in life just don’t make sense but I know things happen for a reason. Much love and prayers to you all! ❤️🙏🏻We are angel moms and we can get through this.

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Neelambigai

March 07, 2020 1:10 am

I am not sad or worried now, when i saw the blood coming out and in labour pain I took big cry then conforted myself to be fine and went through the pain, i got vaginal delivery and holded baby in my hand. I forced my husband to hold the baby once. Now I am searching everything to make someone else sadness go if they had miscarriage. I am not sad but wanting others not to be sad too.

Our baby is now in someone’s womb amd enjoying his breadth again, because i believe souls get new body to live. Our baby boy’s body is burried in my mother-inlaw home where my husband grown entire days..

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Julie Lyons

March 11, 2020 2:27 am

I just stumbled across your blog by accident and have found it really comforting to know that im not alone i lost my precious angel baby to a silent miscarriage on sunday 8th march at 5.45am we found out that our little baby boy had passed at a routine anomaly scan on friday 6th and my world came crashing down around me i only felt him moving the evening before the hardest thing about it is not knowing why we named him Luke Kenobi as this was the name we had chosen when we found out we we pregnant had he have been a boy. I feel guilty that i wasnt able to keep him safe which i know is irrational and that it was no bodies fault we have consented to a full postmortem in hope that we will get answers as we would like to try again in time when we are both ready so what I’m really trying to say is thank you for posting your blog cos i helps immeasurably to know that i am not alone even though I have a wonderful husband and family who are going through this too i still feel so alone and empty

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Rebecca

March 14, 2020 5:10 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I had been searching for some kind of story like mine so I didn’t quite feel so alone in the journey. It’s been a bit of a bumpy road since my miscarriage at 17weeks last year and now coming up to my due date. Everyone has seemed to forgotten what happened but every moment of it is so deeply engrained in my memory. Thank you for sharing your words and for making it a slightly less lonely experience

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Luisa

March 25, 2020 4:58 am

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I had a miscarriage at 17w last month. I found out he was dead at the 4st month checkup. I didn’t have any signs he was gone.
I delivered my son on February 6.
I asked for complete investigations, but there is no apparent reason to explain why he died.
I now try to focus on how happy I was when I was pregnant and on the love that I had and will always have for my baby. I decided to donate to a charity every year on his birthday and on Christmas Day to honour his memory. I try to be the best mom to my 7-yea-old child.
As a medical doctor, I am also concerned with the Coronavirus epidemic right now, something that should keep me mentally busy.
Anyhow, I really can’t help myself. I am deeply sad for loosing my baby boy and I cant’t figure out how this feeling can ever change. It is so overwhelming. I fond confort in reading your stories and I would hug each of you if could.
Thank you. Stay strong.

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Ruva

March 27, 2020 6:00 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had a second-trimester miscarriage in May 2019. It was our first baby. My water broke on Friday morning. I called the nurse and she told me it was incontinence,connected me to my midwife who said it was highly unlikey it was my amniotic fluid, and that it was most likely incontinence, and we made an appointment for Tuesday. But then on Sunday I noticed spotting and had some cramping. We went into the hospital for an ultrasound and were told there was no heartbeat. The next moments were a blur and we had to make decisions that I never thought I would have to make, like whether to deliver, have d&c, and what to do with the remains of the baby. We decided to deliver, I was induced vaginally and the baby came out a few hours later. The placenta would not come out, and I eventually had a d&c. We were lucky enough to have our baby for 24 hours due to the cuddle cot in the hospital. So we held him, sang to him, and our family was also able to hold him. This loss has been the hardest thing I have ever delt with. The pain is real and like nothing else. I would not wish this on anyone. 10 months later and I am doing much better. I have my days though, when I just allow myself to cry. I also have had people around me pregnant and deliver healthy babies. It seems even more of a miracle to me now. Sometimes hearing the birth of someone’s child, makes me wonder why mine couldn’t have survived? But then I search for other women like me and I find articles such as this one and realize that I am not alone. These things happen, and it’s not my fault or your fault. Saying a prayer for you and all you ladies who commented here. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and giving me some peace.

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Tamara

March 27, 2020 6:15 am

These stories r really touching I too have a 27 weeks miscarriage..

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Wright

April 09, 2020 8:31 am

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories above. I myself just had a pregnancy loss at 23 weeks 2 weeks ago. We delivered our baby girl who is now in heaven. I feel that I’m getting stronger day by day but certainly we will never forget our little angel. Certainly as you all know, the physical changes that our bodies go through after a pregnancy loss are difficult and I’m finding it difficult to look at my stomach while I’m healing. My milk supply is diminishing and the pain is improving. I was looking for some advice, can anyone tell me how long it takes for your abdomen to flatten after a second trimester loss? Again, I was 23 weeks and am wondering does it take as much time to return to “normal” as if I was full term or is it shorter with an earlier pregnancy loss at 23 weeks?

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Tali

April 10, 2020 10:38 am

Thank you all for sharing your stories, and I’m so sorry for each of your losses. It’s a comfort to hear others are going through it too. I delivered my son, Luca, on 2/27/20 at 15 weeks after my water broke. We’d been trying for almost 2 years and it honestly seemed too good to be true the whole pregnancy. I’d bled on and off but every time he looked perfectly healthy on the ultrasound. I even saw him that very morning so I know he only died because my body couldn’t do what it needed to. My boyfriend and I are both doing some blood work before trying again, but it’s hard to wait because I want so badly to be pregnant again and to feel that magic. I’m so thankful that both my boyfriend and my mom were at the hospital with me when our son was born. We got to hold him and take pictures, which I will treasure forever. He was my firstborn and he made me a mom, even if I don’t get to raise him.

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Luisa

April 14, 2020 3:11 am

@Wright: With a little help from physical activity and healthy food, I didn’t look pregnant 10 days after my delivery at 17w. You might need more time than me considering the weeks of gestation, and the time you’ll need depends on so many factors (pre-pregnancy body mass index, diet, exercise, genetics…)! Anyhow, it should be faster than a full term. I don’t have my pre-pregnancy body back yet, but I don’t really care as long as I don’t look pregnant. I am now learning to love my body again, and I hope you will too!

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Mother of an Angel

April 19, 2020 4:00 am

Reading all these stories just brought so much tears. But I’ve just found comfort. I feel your pain mommies. I, too just lost my little girl a few days ago on 16 April at 21 weeks (even though she stopped growing around 17 weeks). I could not understand it either. This is (was) my first pregnancy and my fiance and I were so so excited. All my check ups went great. After the 2nd trimester ultrasound, doctor was concerned about baby’s development and referred me for a detailed scan. This is were I got the devastating news that my baby seemed very abnormal. I immediately had to do an Amniocentesis right there. The results came back few days later. She tested positive for Triploidy, Trisomy 13 & 18 as well as Down Syndrome. There was no way she would make it. She stopped moving and I just felt so far connected from my little angel. I felt sad. I cried so much in the room. I told my fiance and we sat and cried in the car that day. I was admitted to hospital on 15 April and it all started. Every few hours they came with those two tablets and I knew Everytime the pain was gonna get so much worse. I just laid there in pain and in tears. It was finally happening. My water broke early morning of the 16th and the nurses told me that the process is starting, I will be delivering soon. I cried and cried. Due to the current Coronavirus, no one was allowed to visit and I just felt so alone. A few short hours later, I was ready to push. To push out my dead baby. Oh dear I wish this pain not upon my worst enemy. I was devastated. It happened quick. One push and she was out. Another and the placenta came out clean. There I lay, a mother who just gave birth, with nothing to hold. I just laid there empty handed, my hands covering my eyes and holding myself. I’m crying so hard while writing this. I couldn’t look at my baby I just couldn’t and I know you won’t judge me. But I have her pictures. She looked so perfect and peaceful even though she had so many physical abnormalities, she looked perfect to me. Dear momma’s, our little angels are safe in heaven amongst all the others. I try and pick myself up everyday but I am still very emotional. I know I will get through this, we all will. Some day somehow we will understand why this had to happen to us.

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Sarah

April 19, 2020 8:30 pm

I delivered my baby boy early this morning at 20 weeks. It is my husband and I’s first pregnancy and we had gone through IVF. Our hearts are broken. There were no symptoms anything was wrong until my water broke. He had apparently passed in his 17th week. We are home now, feeling lost. Our dog also passed a few days ago and I’m so sad that our family seems so much smaller. We are going to have him cremated and keep him in our hearts forever. We called him Sweet Pea since we knew he was made, and that it what our baby boy will always be to us.

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Jennifer

April 23, 2020 4:22 pm

This is the only thing I have read that shares my pain. I lost my twin boys at 19weeks 5days. Strong heart beats and all. Got to the hosiptal and the doctor said one had dilated and since both was sharing the same placenta, the 2nd would definitely follow suit. This was after 6years of trying and comception through IVF. I didn’t know their sex. I was supposed to find out at my next antenatal in 2days. I had already formed a bond, had names for them and was speaking to them daily while rubbing my tummy. I always called each of their names and say mummy loves you. I didn’t know I was ever going to enjoy that bond, but I did. It was my 1st pregnancy and I had to go through 2days of delivery. I refused to look at them. My parents had them buried at our house. I have gone through the following mentions; grief, self brame, anxiety, mood swings, irritation and often lash out. Sometimes, I am moody and just want to be alone. Nothing was wrong with me. I took my meds, ate right, was so careful not to stress myself. I wake intermittently in the night, force myself to sleep during the day and extremely touchy if anyone wants to discuss about it. I find my self being very sensitive and picking words while people try to mske sense of what happened. Sometimes, I ask why me “the simples job in the world”; a whole lot of women carry babies to full term and can’t seem to understand why it happened, no matter how hard I try. Today makes it exactly 4 weeks. Thank you so much for sharing

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Dari

April 26, 2020 11:18 pm

Like so many others have said, thank you for sharing your story.

My partner and I lost our 17-week son, our first child, a few days ago. Her water broke without any apparent reason or warning.

We don’t know how we will keep living and being functional human beings. But reading the words of these wonderful people has really helped assure me that life can continue.

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Rama

April 27, 2020 12:07 pm

Hard Luck..the same thing happened to me in 2018 and it’s been almost two years now and I am unable conceive and there is less hope.

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Laura

May 22, 2020 2:42 pm

Thank you every one of you wonderful ladies for sharing your stories . Mine is similar . I am sitting in the hospital now with a 16 week baby in my belly who has no heartbeat. Found out yesterday at my 16 week appointment. I am waiting to deliver but who knows when that will be. Every 4 hours they are giving me pills that are suppose to expel everything from my body. This is not the first time this has happened to me. 4 years ago the exact same thing happened . 16 week appointment. No heartbeat. I am beyond devastated. I am hollow, I feel numb and cold waiting for something that was suppose to grow into a beautiful baby and share every day with me, but it comforts me reading all of your stories and makes me feel less helpless in this situation. It’s suppose to be a very small chance of 2nd trimester miscarriage but yet here I am, once again having to deliver a tiny perfect but not alive baby. I am hearing the cries of brand new babies in the hall and it hurts my heart that I will not be going home with this baby to love and care for. please know I am thinking of all of you wonderful women at this time and let our experiences help us to heal.

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A mommy who had to figure it out alone

June 11, 2020 12:36 am

I am praying for everyone reading and sharing on this blog. You ladies are not alone. We are not alone. I have felt The pain all of you have described over and over again. I had 10 second trimester losses and they never could tell me what was wrong. Ask your doctors or any doctor that will listen about a TAC a trans abdominal cerclage. Don’t wait for it to happen again tell them to look into it now. Ladies look into it for yourselves. I could share my stories but for years I searched these blogs looking for answers as well as comfort. I hope this advice helps someone. Gods speed ladies and Dari.

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Elisabeth

June 30, 2020 12:42 pm

I’m so sorry for all of your losses, and I’m thankful for everyone sharing their story to give others hope and not feel alone. Your stories today have made me feel less alone. I’ve been walking through this dark valley for several years now.

My first pregnancy loss was at 8 weeks (Jan 3, 2011) (second trimester losses below) I ended up retaining the tissue, and having to get a d&c. I ended up with a severe pelvic infection (lost ability to walk/thankfully after infection cleared was able to walk again) and to make matters worse the doctor did not get everything out in first d&c. This whole dreadful period of finding out I lost the baby to getting everything out took 5 months .

Thankfully, I ended up finding out I was pregnant a month after the final tissue was out, and delivered a full term healthy baby girl and delivered another healthy baby girl after that. My sweet beautiful girls are 13 months apart and are now 6 and 7. They are kind, energetic, playful , sweet beautiful rays of sunshine! They are what love and innocence looks like. Thank you Lord!

Because I had severe pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, temporary blindness in my eyes and severe morning sickness for 9 months of one pregnancy, and 7 months the next , we decided to wait a couple of years before trying to have more children.

I was pleased to find out I was pregnant again shortly after my birthday. All the scans went well. Everything was developing perfectly on our sweet baby girl. She had the perfect face, and was rolling around energetically at each scan. Only one problem, I was not feeling well at all the whole time I was pregnant with her. I had SEVERE morning sickness and spiked blood pressure. On Sept 5th 2016 we lost our sweet baby girl Asia at 20 weeks pregnant. We had lost her a few hours before the appointment. I had severe morning sickness that caused my liver to start failing and caused me to catch antibiotic resistant pneumonia. I was devastated. Mourning a loss, belly getting flatter, boobs full of milk with no baby to feed and fighting for my liver and lungs to restore themselves in a foreign country. Most people look for reasons why their baby passed away… mine passed away due to my severe morning sickness. I felt/still feel guilty. If only I would have had more access to IV fluids. Walking to the hospital with no air conditioner and sitting in the sun while I got IV seemed to make my morning sickness worse. It definitely spiked my blood pressure.

Thinking this couldn’t possibly happen again we decided to get pregnant again. I was actually healthy this pregnancy and happy and pregnant with our first boy. Everything was going fine. All the scans were perfect until about 11 weeks. We were told that our baby might have a hole in their intestine, but it was probably just the unbiblical cord, and to go home and not worry because it was most likely the cord (by 3 different specialists). Not worrying is not something I was easily able to do, considering I just lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks. I decided to stay as calm as possible but We lost our baby (Ezekiel ) at the 13th week appointment, once again a few hours before appointment . We were scheduled d&e almost one year to date of last one Sept 4, 2017. I retained tissue after d&e again and was given a pill to force contractions for the next week to push the rest of the tissue out. Nothing visually came out, and I was having full contractions for a week but not evidence of anything happening , and we were fearful of second d&e , but thankfully scan came up clear and I did not need the second surgery.

Those scans after the trauma are the worst. Before you are starring at a wonderful heartbeat , a developing baby, to a blank screen with nothing on it. Furthermore, the same door that you are walking into to get bad news, is the same door that healthy happy smiley moms that a rubbing their very pregnant bellies are walking out of. It’s soul crushing.

My husband refused to try and get pregnant the last few years, because he was hurting and he was sad to see me hurt and worried for my health. I’ve watched all my friends go on and have multiple pregnancies and births , and even rainbow babies from them. I’ve felt alone on thus journey. This past August , I accidentally got pregnant on vacation and had no clue, got a positive test and ten days later lost that pregnancy. I’m so incredibly thankful I didn’t carry that pregnancy longer just to lose my sweet baby, but was devastated at another loss.

Ironically my husband wants to try again, and we’ve been waiting on me, but I’m processing my feelings now. I think we will try this upcoming month. I needed courage to move forward and to know that I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your hearts. I hope my story makes someone feel less alone.

So many years . So many souls. So many ups and downs. So much heartbreaks. So many stupid unwanted comments from people. It’s been a journey and I pray to have another healthy rainbow baby/babies like I will think of all of you! Love to all.

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