The holidays are officially in full swing, and for many that means staying with family. Hallmark, Lifetime, and Netflix tell us this is sheer bliss: delicious food, lots of presents, and endless love. These movies leave out several crucial pieces though, like the stress of traveling, the heartbreak of family drama, and sharing a wall with snoring relatives
All of this means that having holiday sex—solo or with a partner—takes some patience, creativity, and skill. Whether the risk of getting caught turns you on or stresses you out, read on for some ideas to find freedom in pleasure when you’re home for the holidays.
Reflect on what you want in advance
Before you head home for the holidays, consider what you want from the trip sexually. Does the risk of getting caught turn you on? Are you packing a vibrator? Looking for a hookup?
If you’re boo’ed up, you’ll also want to talk about expectations with your partner. Some questions to explore include:
- Do you want to have sex or forego it while visiting family?
- Does the risk of getting caught turn you on or stress you out? If your answers differ, how can you compromise to satisfy both of your needs?
- When and how will you carve out alone time, sexual or otherwise?
Stay grounded and connected, physically and emotionally
Build in time for yourself. Hit up a new workout class, visit old friends, stay up watching your favorite movie after everyone else goes to bed, or wake up a few minutes early to journal and meditate—or anything else that nourishes your body and spirit. If you struggle with boundaries around your family, ask some friends to check-in with you and affirm your decision to opt-out of certain obligations or traditions if you need to take some time alone.
With a partner, also remember: setting the mood is the most important part of sex. That means making sure that no matter how jam packed your schedule is, you’ve put aside time for you and your beau to be alone. Cuddle in the evening or before you get out of bed, go for a walk in the snow, or drive to see whatever famous light extravaganza is in the area.
Amidst the hustle and bustle, don’t let your pleasure fall aside. That might be sex—be it self-pleasure, mutual masturbation, or partner sex. It also might be cuddling in front of a fire watching holiday classics and sipping hot cocoa or eggnog.
Use a quiet vibrator
Packing a toy? Choose one that won’t draw attention to what you’re doing. Then the only thing you have to worry about is keeping yourself quiet. Try the We-Vibe Touch or Squish from Unbound. Even on their highest setting, you won’t hear a thing.
Get it on in the shower
The running water masks many sounds. This is perfect if you’re pleasuring yourself and easy enough with a partner too: after all, it makes sense you’d be sharing the bathroom to get ready, right?
Make it a game to see how quiet you can be. Get handsy under the table. Sneak away mid-celebration for a quickie (blowjobs, fingering, or using a quiet vibe are fast and pleasurable options).
Give mindful sex a try
If you’re feeling stressed, take a moment to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Place one hand over your heart and the other on your lower belly or cupping your genitals. Do this for several minutes, focusing on the feeling of breath in your pelvis or anywhere else that brings you pleasure.
With a partner, try some eye gazing. Sit across from each other, hold hands, set a timer for four minutes, and simply look into each other’s eyes. Giggles are welcome. Alternately, lay down facing each other, bodies entwined, and just breathe.
Stay somewhere else
If staying with family is a hard no for you, for any reason, look into alternate arrangements like staying with friends (or different family members) you love or getting a hotel room or AirBNB.
Don’t feel pressured
You don’t have to have sex when you go home for the holidays. Some people thrive on the fact they might get caught. For others, it’s a total turn-off. Whatever is true for you (and any beau who might go home for the holidays with you) is what’s right.
For some people the holiday season is a time of bliss, setting the perfect mood for sexy times. For others, it’s full of grief, anxiety, and sadness, and less than ideal. Whatever the holidays mean to you, know that there are ways to find freedom in pleasure no matter where you are.