How can you direct your partner to get to your g-spot?
I love this question, Jenny, because the answer incorporates sexual skills, great communication, and creating the right context. Plus, you can use these steps to direct your partner to almost anything—or try out a new desire.
The most important thing is to have fun! Sex is supposed to be about pleasure, intimacy, and connection, not stress. Use these steps to guide your partner to bring you to g-spot bliss.
First, find your g-spot on your own
You can’t lead someone somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going. That’s wandering (which is so fun and I recommend it…but it’s not what you’re asking). If you haven’t found your g-spot yet, start there! Learn how far into your vagina it is, how much pressure it likes, what type of stimulation it enjoys, etc.
Not sure how to find your g-spot? Here’s a refresher.
(Already know where you g-spot is? Feel free to skip this section!)
Use your fingers or a curved sex toy to explore along the belly-button side of your vagina. The g-spot is usually located a few inches in. Also, it may not be a spot but more of a zone that’s spread across your frontal vaginal wall. Notice any spots or sections that feel extra yummy. If using your fingers, search for an area that feels more like the bumpy roof of your mouth versus the smooth inside of your cheek.
Once you find your g-spot or –zone, play with different techniques like a come-hither stroke, massaging it in circles, or tapping. Learn how yours enjoys being stimulated. Do you prefer soft touch or lots of pressure?
You’ll know that you’re near a g-spot orgasm when you feel the urge to pee. You won’t!—although you may ejaculate a little or a lot (but seriously—it’s not pee anymore than a person with a penis’s semen is pee). Keep doing what feels good, breathe deep, and bear down.
There are two things you want keep in mind. First, your g-spot might need a lot of pressure. I’m talking as much as you enjoy in a shoulder massage. Secondly, your mileage may vary. Some people with vulvas** have explosive, full-body orgasm from g-spot stimulation. Others don’t.
Talk to your partner outside the bedroom
Now that you’ve found your g-spot, it’s time to explore with your beau! And that starts with you telling them.
If you don’t know how to bring up the topic, use this article as a conversation starter! You can say something like, “I was reading this article about the g-spot and I really want to explore it together. How do you feel about that?”
Use your own words. Just make sure to end with an open-ended question instead of a yes/no one so you can have a conversation about it.
Setup a sex lab
A sex lab is a “designated time and place for trying a new sexual activity, followed by observations about what worked and what did not.” It gives you and your beau the opportunity to try new things without the pressure of orgasm. The only goal is to explore what works and what doesn’t.
Schedule some time to do a g-spot sex lab. Grab your favorite lube, a waterproof blanket or towel, and then…
Get really turned on
Make out, get massaged, watch porn together, have your beau play with your nipples or stroke your back. Do whatever sexy things make you purr until you’re flushed, panting, and practically—or literally—begging for it.
Not only will being turned on make penetration more comfortable, but also your g-spot will be erect (yes, like a penis), and therefore bigger, more sensitive, and easier to find.
Have your beau lube up their fingers and your pussy, before diving in. This decreases friction and enhances sensation—making the exploration easier and more pleasurable. I heart this one for skin-to-skin contact like fingering (and intercourse!).
Direct them to your g-spot
Once they start fingering, you get to guide them! Say something like, “it would feel so good if you slid your fingers a little further in(or out) right now” or, “I need you to rub circles in my pussy, baby.” When they find it, a simple, “MMM YES, RIGHT THERE!” works fabulously.
If you’re normally quieter during sex this might feel awkward. Remind yourself that few people dislike hearing their partner beg them, urge them on, and express their pleasure. You can do this!
Try the right positions
Want to explore finding your g-spot during intercourse? Setup a second sex lab to play with different positions that encourage the penis or dildo to rub along the frontal vaginal wall where your g-spot is. I recommend doggy style, spooning, or reverse cowgirl.
If your beau straps on, look for a curved dildo to make this stimulation easier.
You also could try a toy like the We-Vibe Sync. You wear this vibrator during intercourse, and one arm is specifically for stimulating your g-spot. Yes please!
Stay in communication
When things change in the moment, let them know. When you want something different, let them know. When things feel really fucking good, you guessed it: let them know!
In other words, communicate about what’s happening (“Oh that feels good”) and what you want to happen, whether that’s going forward to something different (“I need….”) or back (“Go back to…) to something that felt good.
Try, try, try again
Whenever you explore something new, it helps to try it a few times. This helps you move past any awkward WTF are we doing-ness and into having fun. This advice goes for both trying a sex lab and directing your partner to your g-spot!
Embrace the awkward
Lastly, remember that every time you try something new there are bound to be slip-ups. Lean on each other for support and do you best to laugh them off.
After all, even if things don’t go according to plan, you’ll have a great story to tell!
Have a sex question? Email firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll answer it in an upcoming post.
*Names have been changed.
**Using language like this acknowledges that not all people with certain genitals are the gender that was assigned to them based on those genitals. Some men have vaginas, some women have penises, and some people with vaginas identify as neither male nor female.
Featured image by Bruno van der Kraan